Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Creator

I catch myself being that girl. The one partakes in the pregnancy talk around the table/room/lobby with other pregnant girls. I used to think that it was b/c there wasn't anything else exciting in life to talk about, once you've had kids. Once you've had kids, they become your whole world, and that was lame. Well, bring on the lame. It is really more exciting than I could have ever thought -- planning a
family. I'm not the biggest fan of being pregnant, it wierds me out
and as you might have read on the blog there was a few scary moments,
but really it just makes me look at everything in the world with this
whole new lens, and showing me how to trust God in a whole new way... As
Creator. I always thanked him as Creator, or was in awe of him as
Creator, or believed he was The Creator... But trusting that he can
really create a baby inside my body, as an active part of my minute to minute day... It's intense, and indescribable and insane! It makes me cry b/c I cannot express that level of trust in any other way.

I look forward to hearing your story as you go through this strange
and miraculous experience.

2 comments:

Liz said...

I was that girl too. I love that you have that common bond with other women. You dont even know them, but exchange a smile across Target, as if to say "I understand what you are going through". There are not really many other times in life where you can just look at someone from the outside and know part of how they are feeling on the inside. I was proud to be "that girl" and sort of missed it when I wasnt pregnant. I would find myself doing 'the smile' at other pregnant girls when I was at the store w/o Charlie, and I got the curtosy smile in return. I wished I could just wear a shirt that said "I have a new baby, I still know what its like!" It is for sure the most miraclous experience to have something being created inside you. Gods most precious creation, growing in you. Amazing...and for sure, a struggle to trust. Parenthood is so crazy, b/c you have an illusion of control, but you keep realizing you really dont have control AT ALL. When you are pregnant you can control what you eat...and thats about it. The babys growth and development and health, yep, not at all our doing. I thought, "I cant wait until she is born, then I will be more in control" well, no, that isnt true either. I can control lots of things, but once again, not the things that truly matter. Trusting has become infinately more difficult now that I have a child. Its a great daily..hourly lesson. Love you Bai! I am so glad you are getting to experience this.

jess said...

What a beautiful post, Bailey.